And Again

"This happens every month," I'm telling myself.

"You've done this before. Don't get your hopes up," I keep repeating. 

Over and over.

And while I'm getting more used to things that always seem like a sign even though they're the same every month, there's still that stinging moment whn you realize that this month really isn't different and we're headed back to where we started. 

And it's easier. Every month it's easier. 

In that it's not really.

I'm lucky for having months where I'm so busy that I don't have time to think about how hard moments of this can be. I am so wrapped up in everything else that's there just isn't time for feeling ALL THE SADS. 

I am so very thankful for that. 

But there is still that short period every month where it's pretty clear it's over and yet... What if this means...?

And it doesn't.

But it could. 

But it doesn't.

And that stings just a little. 

Or a lot. 

Here we go again.

It's hip to be square, kids.