Self-Image

I have a problem that no other woman before me has ever had ever.

I worry about my waistline. Constantly.

Oh wait! That's not novel or rare.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately since my mid-20s silhouette is a little larger than I would like. I'm still small and not quite overweight, but I used to be SO tiny. To be fair, when I was that tiny, I thought I was a heffer, but I digress.

I also LOVE cheese fries. Is there a support group for that?

Anyway, worrying about weight is exhausting. I know there is plenty I can do about it, but I'm so exhausted from worrying that I don't think I would have the energy. (Isn't that an amazing and terrible excuse?) 

The thing is, I would love to have my 19-year-old figure back, but would I be willing to take back who I was then to complete the tradeoff?

Hellllll no.

At 19, I was in a bad (described as abusive by my best friend who was the only one willing to say it to my face) relationship. I was lonely. I was filled with anxiety all the time. I was unwilling to make mistakes. I followed the rules too closely. I worried that everyone had an opinion about me. I was terrified to leave home and get out on my own. I didn't speak up. I didn't know how to speak up. I didn't know that I was worth anything.

I was a child. 

Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of fun, but those things wouldn't be fun for me anymore. 

Being a woman is way better than being a girl ever was. If I have to hold on to the spare tire around my waist as a memento of how far I've come, I think I'll add some glitter and a medal. 

I have earned it. 

And eventually, eventually, I'll get to the gym. 

As always, it's hip to be square (and wider), kids.